Today I went to the mountain top.

Well, like I said in yesterdays post, the difficulty with clarity is it's temporary nature. It's a here and gone kind of thing. But then again, even when that moment passes, the impression it has made in me stays. So that really no matter what comes next...well, almost no matter anyway, I still have the ability to apply the perspective of that moment.


Today was a day where that moment was tested. It was a day where doubt was creeping around waiting for an opportunity to strike a blow against my confidence in Christ. When it was all said and done, the only way not to give in to it was to align myself again with that moment from yesterday. And for me today that meant I had to Cry out to Jesus. I guess sometimes it's not enough to just know God loves us, sometimes we've got to really ask Him to shower us with it...not in a testing sort of way, but in a Lord, I need You now but I can't draw on Your strength without You enabling me...without Your Spirit guiding my heart and mind.

And so today, I rode up to Pine Mountain to get as close to Him as I could and I laid it all at His feet. I knew today that the feeling of clarity from yesterday still required me to trust Him with those things that are most dear to me. Things that He had given me in order that I might give it back to Him, but that I tried to keep. And once place at His feet, then came the need to leave them there. Not snatch anything back. But here is where I really had no clue. After all, I was sure that I needed those things. 


And so I asked Him and He responded with Ps. 73:25-26... "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire beside you. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" In other words, "Ed, you think you need those things, but I am your portion. I am your strength. There is nothing there that will satisfy you but Me" 


Well Lord, I know that you are those things, intellectually? But practically, how can I make you my strength and portion forever? John 15:4 - "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me." "Ed, spend time with Me, call on Me, read about Me...Give Me the chance to show you that I will supply everything you need."


Lord, I can't do it without You. "Ed, My love for you knows no bounds, you have My Spirit there with you even now." And then it hit me. The Holy Spirit is our helper the one who reminds us of the promises of the Lord. John 14:26 - "The Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you"


And the questions I had been asking. The verses that were my answers. The Lord was responding through the Holy Spirit. John 16:13 says it this way - "When He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come." He will not speak on His own, but will repeat what He hears...wow. 


There were other questions and other answers that I choose not to share here. But God was incredibly faithful today. And because of that, I can face this moment without feeling the pain of earlier today. And so it is up to me now to leave those things at His feet. To abide in Him and make Him the strength of my heart and my portion forever. It is up to me to cry out to Jesus with every ounce of my being and know that He is listening and that His hand has scooped me up to hold me...because I cannot without Him.